Meet The Fellowship of the Lens'd Palm
A list of the members of our Conclave.
The Cinemania Society Podcast
Herein are chronicled the judgements of this not-so-secret society as its members scrutinize, criticize, analyze, brutalize, and otherwise vamp on the weirdest films in cinema history.
Listen on:
Episodes
Wednesday Jul 26, 2023
Wednesday Jul 26, 2023
The dreaded Cinemania High Council gets some bad news and makes a plan to deal with it.
Wednesday Jul 19, 2023
Wednesday Jul 19, 2023
Today, in lieu of your usual episode, we members of the Cinemania Society are releasing a statement of solidarity with SAG-AFTRA and the Writer’s Guild of America. The Cinemania Society, LLC has an active SAG contract, which means those in our group who aren’t already full SAG members are at least SAG-eligible. While we self-produce our show, we do not wish to create even the impression of crossing the picket line. Unfortunately, this means there will be no new episode for our listeners this week. If you’re unhappy with this outcome, we suggest you direct your complaints to the AMPTP who could end this strike whenever they wanted.
This strike isn’t “greedy, spoiled actors,” it isn’t about the 1 percenters like Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt. Only 13% of SAG members make the minimum $26,000 per year to have access to the SAG health plan…meaning most actors live check to check like the rest of us, and their checks are exceedingly small. Studio execs make 300 to 400 times what their lowest-paid workers make. In the ‘80s, no exec made more than 30 times their lowest-paid worker. If studios were capable of making some of the best and most iconic movies in history with only that level of pay inequity, they can do it again.
If you like our show, we encourage you to show your support in other ways. If you’re near a SAG-AFTRA picket line, consider picking up a sign and marching alongside the workers in solidarity. They’ll appreciate it. Or you can donate food, water, and first aid supplies to the marchers. You can also donate to funds set up to support workers through their strike – because while actors and writers are marching, they’re not earning, and everyone still has to buy groceries and make their rent or mortgage payments.
Some of these funds include:
The Entertainment Community Fund (formerly the Actors’ Fund)
The Motion Picture and Television Fund
The Hollywood Support Staff Relief Fund
or the Union Solidarity Coalition
The Cinemania Society will return soon. We thank you for your understanding and support.
Wednesday Jul 12, 2023
Wednesday Jul 12, 2023
The Cinemania Society presents for your listening pleasure a short story by acclaimed author Patrick Ireland. This story was originally written sometime between 1986 and 1988, and was first published in the October, 1994 issue of Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine. It is presented here under permission from the author and is read for you by Society member Andy Slack.
Written by Patrick Ireland, (C) 1988, 1994
Performed by Andy Slack
Sound design, mixing, and mastering by Ethan Ireland
Graphic Design by Andy Slack
Music by Karl Casey at White Bat Audio
Incidental music and sound effects courtesy of Epidemic Sound
Wednesday Jul 05, 2023
Wednesday Jul 05, 2023
The Society presents a VHS cassette containing a biography on Silver Screen royalty, Anjelica Huston.
Written & Performed by Andy Slack
Mixing, mastering & sound design by Ethan Ireland
Music tracks: "Atmos" by Karl Casey at White Bat Audio
Visit our website at http://thecinemaniasociety.podbean.com/ for more Profiles in Cinemania, our conclaves where we scrutinize and judge the weirdest films in cinema history, the incomparable art of Andy Slack, and more!
Legal notice: this is a work of parody.
Wednesday Jun 28, 2023
Wednesday Jun 28, 2023
The Society presents a VHS cassette containing a biography on the funniest man you've never heard of, legendary comedy writer and gay rights activist Bruce Vilanch.
Performed by Daniel Scribner
Written by Ethan Ireland & Daniel Scribner
Research by Hope Bravo and Andrea Palladino
Mixing, mastering & sound design by Ethan Ireland
Music tracks: "Redemption" by Karl Casey at White Bat Audio, and "A New Case of Murder," by Meteor at meteormusic.com
Visit our website at http://thecinemaniasociety.podbean.com/ for more Profiles in Cinemania, our conclaves where we scrutinize and judge the weirdest films in cinema history, the incomparable art of Andy Slack, and more!
Legal notice: this is a work of parody.
Wednesday Jun 21, 2023
Wednesday Jun 21, 2023
We next encounter the heretical outcasts calling themselves the Cinemania Society as they return to the Strip Mall of the Damned to find it being redeveloped by the city an inhospitable wasteland. They retreat to a makeshift lair down by the river where they can sip their cocktails in peace and discuss their latest Subject of Scrutiny, Stewart Raffill's Cinemania-inducing schock-tacular rip-off-fest from 1984, Ice Pirates. God only knows what madness our listeners will suffer as the heretics Society encounters arr-you-can-eat "shrimp," sassy waiters, and sinister blue fez-wearing agents of the Central Committee.
Wednesday Jun 14, 2023
Wednesday Jun 14, 2023
Brother Methuselah's cache of VHS tapes keeps paying off. Here, the Society presetnts a biography on animal handler-turned-schlock film director Stewart Raffill.
Written & Performed by Andy Slack
Mixing, mastering & sound design by Ethan Ireland
Music tracks: "The Shape" and "The Shape Returns," by Karl Casey at White Bat Audio.
Visit our website at http://thecinemaniasociety.podbean.com/ for more Profiles in Cinemania, our conclaves where we scrutinize and judge the weirdest films in cinema history, the incomparable art of Andy Slack, and more!
Legal notice: this is a work of parody.
Wednesday Jun 07, 2023
Wednesday Jun 07, 2023
The heretical outcasts calling themselves the Cinemania Society concludes its Conclave on Stewart Raffill's 1984 swashbuckling spectacular Ice Pirates in their makeshift lair in the pirate-themed tiki bar down by the river, arr-you-can-eat "shrimp," sassy waiters, and sinister blue fez-wearing agents of the Central Committe notwithstanding.
Cinquisitor Ethan,
Keeper of the Lenses
Brother Ethan is an award-winning filmmaker who has more than 20 years professional work in film & television production. He has worked on more than a dozen feature films, and has directed & produced several of his own projects: documentary features and short films. He is best recognized for the work he did on four seasons on the hit YouTube comedy series Smosh.
A self-styled intellectual, Cinquisitor Ethan has put many thousands of hours studying cinema apocrypha for interesting tidbits, and combing through the history for cinema for sources of CINEMANIA in order to study the devastating effects of this condition.
CINEMANIA Manifestations: The disorder in Cinquisitor Ethan can be fairly easy to observe. Although he is purportedly a native of California, when CINEMANIA begins to take hold in Cinquisitor Ethan, his accent becomes increasingly elaborate. He will shift into a Midatlantic accent, and even into an RP accent depending on the severity of the episode he is suffering. This can happen multiple times in a given conclave.
Verifier Andy,
Master Illuminator
Perhaps our most mysterious member, Brother Andy lurks somewhere in darkest Albion, magically honing his skills in comedy and illustration to a razor's edge.
Brother Andy's internet comics, including The Wisdom of Leto II and its sequel, FremCops, have achieved notoriety from their appearances in various Facebook shitposting groups such as Dune Sietchposting, Star Trek Shitposting, and others. He has these and numerous other self-published sci-fi & fantasy comics available on at andyslackcomics.com, and for sale on Ko-Fi.
In case you're wondering, no, he is not really Jack Black, so don't ask.
Scrutinizer Zacharia,
Guardian of the Door
A veteran of theater production, Brother Zacharia graduated from film school at California State University, Monterey Bay along with Brother Ethan, who has been his decades-long accomplice in the commission of cinematic crimes.
Brother Zacharia is a third-generation artist, descended from a line of visual artists, and has put much study into the causes and effects of CINEMANIA.
Profligator Daniel,
Possessor of the Word
Hailing from New Jersey, Brother Daniel writes for theater, literature, and cinema esoterica. He is somewhat of an expert on Troma Films, and was trained in writing short fiction by Harlon Ellison.
Profligator Daniel is the primary caregiver of Brother Clark-Nova, who is an unholy amalgamation of equal parts cockroach, manual typewriter, and portions of human anatomy best left unseen.
Arbiter Alessa,
Voice from the Outer World
Our youngest member, Arbiter Alessa attended film school in Los Angeles after producing a feature film of her own while still in high school. She has experience working professionally on features and shorts, and is a working voice actor for several notable anime series including Genshin Impact and Onyx Equinox.
Arbiter Alessa recently went on an extended vacation to Altair IV, where she encountered an atomic super-robot similar to (and more importantly, legally distinct from) Robby the Robot. After taking her new plastic pal on an interstellar pub-crawl, she returned to the Strip Mall of the Damned with the machine in tow, where she has since conducted several experiments on it (including the downloading of the entire internet into the robot's databanks).
Professor Andrea,
Scholar of San Francisco
Professor Andrea holds multiple degrees in film, Spanish, and music; and has taught all three. She has a deep knowledge of film history, and a history of work in film production, including on films with Cinquisitor Ethan.
Auntie Hope,
Keeper of the Books
Hope is a relative newcomer to the Society, and to the field of CINEMANIA as a whole. She granted herself membership status and a title after the Society were responsible for unleashing a horde of cannibalistic humanoid underground mutant people (C.H.U.M.P.s) that destroyed her family-friendly occult bookstore, The Laughing Tome. She intends to be as underfoot as possible until her store is repaired.